Please, take this personally…
November 13th, 2010
Not long ago I was on a tirade about how helpless I felt in assisting a student with needs I had not before encountered. My frustration was first with myself and then with my teammates who had worked with similar students before, but I didn’t feel were sharing their knowledge with me. The first colleague with whom I shared my angst listened and gently told me, “Don’t take it personally, you’re doing all you can.” I was incensed that anyone could work in education and not take it personally, though I realized her intent was to soothe my self-doubt and reaffirm the successes I had found. Later that day, I asked a long-time teacher at what point did she stop taking it personally when a student was challenging or not responding to her genuine efforts. Her reply: “When that day comes, you should leave the profession.”
On the flip side, I have interacted with plenty of educators who proudly boast that they don’t take it personally when a day goes awry. There is a definite difference when this phrase is used in defense of one’s accountability versus as a healthy balance between one’s high expectations and an unintended outcome.
Still, if we are able to remove the interpersonal evaluation, the essence we’re left with is that taking it personally is a positive trait. It’s our responsibility as educators, and quickly becomes our identity as individuals, to take this work personally insomuch as we realize we will not immediately change the world, but our souls are on the line to certainly try over time. That’s what “taking it personally” means. Relational trust is key to removing the evaluative nature of taking it personally by building genuine regard for others. Approaching each problem or frustration with the understanding that the people involved are your first concern, because they will help you accomplish your shared goals, demonstrates respect for others and integrity in leadership. It shows that you recognize your own limitations to do it all on your own and your value of their role in the organization. Model an integrity where words match deeds, not only in the words you use, but by valuing the words you carefully listen to and helping those around you to realize that taking it personally is why we’re here and why we need one another.
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